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I had to leave the house as Matt, and arriveat the cafe as Claire. I decided to put the sundress on and tuck it intomy trousers, then put my coat on over the top. I could put my lipstick onmy coat pocket. Then all I'd need to do was take off my trousers, take myhair out of its ponytail and put on a little lippy.So that's what I did. I snuck into an ally to lose my trousers, do my hairand makeup. There I was, in a sundress, with my trainers which wereandrogynous enough to be either male or female, with my hair shaken looseand a little make up.That's all it took. Anyone who looked at me didn't give me more than asecond glance, well, apart from a couple of boys, but I think they thoughtI was hot. So I was girl. A change of clothes a little make up was all ittook. Ok, so I was never big and muscular, but I was surprised how easilypeople were prepared to take me as a girl.The cafe was quite quiet, with only a couple of other people in there. Wetook a table by the window, I wanted to be. I think it stems from wanting to be desired.It's a heady feeling at first to realize someone would pay you money tohave sex with you. You think it means you're attractive and desirableand powerful. All of those things, while true, are only part of theequation. You're also owned. You can't make a lot of decisionsyourself that you would normally make. You give up the power to choose.The great majority of guys I had sex with when I was hooking I neverwould have been intimate with if I wasn't.I'm not sure I ever went against my better judgment. I like to think Iconsidered it carefully. Again, it comes down to choices. I wanted thesex and I wanted the money that came with it. Those two things were mypriorities. I cared more about them than the loss of control or thehealth risks. I wanted to feel desired and it accomplished that goal.5. After the time when you had the option of being left out in the coldwith no coat or sleeping with the guy, why didn't you put a stop tothings? .
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